God is Good

It has been quite some time since I have posted on my blog.  Wow, there is a lot that has changed.  Yet, some things remain the same.  Since the last post, we have been on a journey to try and understand my sweet Little Man and his struggle with Autism.  I can assure you, that why the daily struggle and challenge is real, I love him more than ever and can't imagine life without his unique perspective and outlook.

We just started back to school, and it has been a source of great anxiety for me.  As a former educator, I know the challenges a special needs child faces.  I know the challenge the teacher faces trying to incorporate the child into the classroom routine, as well as the constant battle of "that one child" that derails the order of the entire class.

My anxiety was raised even higher as the Friday before school started, I got a text from Jacob's para, that we both love, stating she was taking a different position at another school.  I was heartbroken.  What was going to happen to Jacob?  Was he going to roll with the change, or were we going to struggle going to school?  Would they replace his para immediately, or would it be a few weeks? Who are they going to put in the position?  Would they be qualified to deal with Jacob?  Would they understand him?  Would they love him like Emily did and treat him like their own child? Would I get a call from school every day saying my child is in the office?

The fear is real.  I was terrified.  I felt helpless.  I fell back on the only thing I knew.  That is prayer.  I channeled my fear to my love of playing the piano.  I played hymns for hours to comfort my soul with familiar tunes and words committed to memory years ago.  I listened to Christian radio as the praise and worship songs were so uplifting.  I continued to pray and look for comfort in my Heavenly Father.  All the while, I knew this was only a small bump on the road of life.

The bible tells us in Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It is amazing how scripture, underlined and studied at one time can once again provide such peace and comfort.  I know some might read this and think, wow, she doesn't have a clue about my life, or the things I am dealing with.  You are likely correct.  But the truth is, we all have our struggles, or burdens to bear. Some are much more traumatic than others. Some things that are insignificant to some, are daily mountains climbed by others.

Other Autism moms, I am praying for you. I get it.  I understand the struggle each and every day. I know the pain and hurt caused to the entire family and how dealing with the effects are sometimes mentally and physically exhausting.  No parent ever wants to hear that they are a terrible parent, especially when they are doing everything they can, and your child is in the middle of a public place and has a complete meltdown.  No parent wants to witness their child kick, bite and scream in the middle of Walmart because they didn't get the train they wanted, or better yet, because their shoe doesn't fit just right at the moment and they must take their shoes off and refuse to put the shoe back on. I have been told several times that my child is just terrible, and they can't be around him.  I have been hurt more times than I can count by words others have used.  Autism has no distinct look.  A child with Autism has no clue about the world around them.  They are clueless to social cues. They don't understand "the look." Impulses are almost impossible to control.  Outburst can come at any time and are very unpredictable. Yet, inside is a child that just wants to be loved.

I am so thankful my prayers were answered and I got a call right before Meet the Teacher night saying that they had a para hired, that she has been working with other Autistic children and she is excited to work with Jacob. I met her, and she and Jacob had an instant rapport, he was excited about starting school and learning. I know God has a plan for this child, just like with all children. Remember, God is good, all the time!

The first day of school! 

If you are struggling and can't seem to find answers, turn it over to God in prayer.  I know it sound cliche, but God hears us and answers our prayers.

Until next time, keep moving forward and making memories on this Journey we call life.

Sarah